Normally, I wouldn’t write or say something of what I feel in public, but maybe someone out there could relate and maybe I could be a good help. Brace yourselves Grammar Nazis, I was never the best in English at school or anything so I do apologise in advance…. lol.
So here it goes…
Life isn’t made with just glitters, butterflies, sunshines and rainbows. As we would love it to be like that, it isn’t. To some, people would say, “Hey, just look on the bright side!” That’s good! Being positive is great. But honestly, it’s hard to believe it when the things you wanted is not going according to plan. We all have dreams. We all want things to go on our way, somehow. But life teaches us that it’s full of ups and downs.. and mostly, it’s downs.
Right now, I’m in a position where I got lost in terms of my career and in a long distance relationship. Two things I thought that could be easier to go through with… but it wasn’t.
Before graduating college, I already foresee myself doing this and that. And it’s hard to achieve it when some people around you brings you down. I believe that I am capable of so much more but when people says otherwise, it’s hard to believe in yourself especially if your ideas in the future isn’t playing right.
In terms of my relationship, maybe it’s my bad to assume some things. I assumed once we graduated we will have jobs we’ll like and maybe after work, meet somewhere so we could go home together or eat dinner somewhere. Then eventually, our love for art could bloom to a business we could build together.. Grow as better artists together.. Try working abroad in the same city together.. Be recognised with our works.. etcetera.
It’s sad because some of these things are happening, but we’re apart from one another. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that he already got a job and is preparing all the necessary documents needed to be officially an employee there. But the more I think of it, all the things I thought are just things I need to put on hold. We need to do things seperately for the mean time. Honestly, It got me worried because I feel that I’m not being a part of this journey with him. And my feelings gets the better of me. I don’t want it, but you can say being a girl means you tend to be dramatic at times. And it’s definitely getting me to be one. We’ve said things to one another, I’m putting my feet and ego down, and I do apologise for my behaviour. It’s not to push him away… I don’t want that.
I believe that there’s a perfect time for everything. Maybe it’s not going well “now”, but I believe in the future it will. As I look back, I realise that every time I thought I was being rejected and being further in achieving something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better.
So it’s okay to be sad.
Let it all out and when you’re done, take a deep breath and remember what you live for.